The Life of Riley's Mommy

Note to self: HAVE to try these.

2008-01-21T03:39:12Z

Ingredients
110g unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
2 tsp natural vanilla extract
Zest of 1 lemon
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
1 cup dried cranberries

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and brown sugar till smooth and fluffy. Gradually add the egg, vanilla extract and lemon zest and beat till well combined.

3. Sift together the flour and baking soda then mix into the creamed butter mixture, then add the white choc chips and dried cranberries and mix well.

4. Line a baking/cookie tray with non-stick baking paper and carefully scoop tablespoons of the mixture onto the tray, at least 5cm (2 inches) apart as these babies spread!

3. Bake for 8 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven (less if you prefer your cookies chewy, more if you want a little crunch), till they are well puffed, golden on top and nicely browned underneath. Remove the baking tray from the oven and leave the cookies to cool completely on the tray before removing them to a wire rack (be warned, these cookies are EXTREMELY soft and delicate till they have cooled down).

Cat's Cradle

2008-01-09T00:08:17Z

"I remembered The Fourteenth Book of Bokonon, which I had read in its entirety the night before. The Fourteenth Book is entitled, 'What Can a Thoughtful Man Hope for Mankind on Earth, Given the Experience of the Past Million Years?' It doesn't take long to read The Fourteenth Book. It consists of one word and a period. This is it: 'Nothing.'"

-chapter 110

I swear, Vonnegut is man after my heart.

I need to release the creative pressure...

2007-12-18T05:18:22Z

earth melts blue
like stained glass angels
falling surreptitiously
among unworthy watchers

dusk falls upon
the glittering old lace
awash in mysterious
delicate rhythm

try to taste
the falling white velvet
like chasing
innocent prayers of
a strawberry youth

hypnotized by winter's
metronome

Fathers

2007-11-03T18:17:38Z

Its a miracle I fell in love with a man who is such a good father...

Especially since I've never known one before him. You think my father would be happy for us. Happy that we're going to being moving our lives in a positive direction. But instead he's just whining about how we're victimizing him because we're going to Colorado and he's stuck here in California.

And by stuck, I do mean literally. Prisons aren't really known for letting people out whenever they just please...He's there because HE made bad choices. I refuse to be made to feel guilty because for once I'm about to make a GOOD choice.

♥
Ambrose

Old wounds

2007-10-31T03:10:33Z

I sometimes wish I could understand my own obsessive need to pick at old wounds. The raw self-destructiveness of it.

They run deep and most still have fresh scabs. You'd think I'd know better...

♥

sowwies!

2007-10-29T00:03:37Z

So I haven't really been posting or commenting much lately, and I just want to throw an "I'm sorry" out there to everyone that reads and comments on my journal. I really love all the support and want y'all to know I appreciate you.

Most of you have kids so I'm sure you totally understand why I haven't been posting much lately since I just had a baby. That and now that we've decided we're moving, I'm busy trying to plan things for the big day.

Know that I'll be back online soon, just trying to sort everything out and get into some semblance of a schedule with Rileysaurus. Hope everyone is doing well!

LOVE YOU!
Ambrose

my lil cutie

2007-10-24T13:22:54Z

I know, I know. All I've been doing is posting pictures. But I can't help it. He's SO cute.

♥

Dear Sweet God,

2007-10-23T03:26:27Z

I love this boy.

♥

He's here!!!

2007-10-20T06:54:13Z

Riley Alexander Martin

Born October 10, 2007 @ 8:54 p.m.
Weight: 8.7 lbs
Length: 19 inches

From this:

To this:

♥
Ambrose

P.S. HE'S SO DAMN CUTE!!!

WARNING: Rant ahead

2007-10-06T04:02:33Z

DISCLAIMER: I LOVE my family. They are the most important thing to me seeing as most of my friends (er, more like all but one or two) jumped ship after I got pregnant.

Anyways, I CANNOT stand most of them right now! Not my mom or Ryan, whom I live with and have been amazing lately, but my extended family. My aunts, grandma, dad (he's not extended but he's currently incarcerated and we don't see much of each other right now), etc.

Everyone keeps calling me "wanting to know how I'm doing, is anything different, am I okay, blahBlahBLAH". Omigod! I don't need 18 phone calls a day from 5 different people wanting to discuss how THEY think the pregnancy and birth should be going. I'M DONE. This is why we set up the phone call tree. So I don't have to talk to all of you everyday! Its exhausting.

Grrr. I love these people, really I do. But I'm SOOOO tired of hearing everyone's opinions. You get a free pass to offer it once and then shuttup. I don't need it shoved down my throat. And I don't need to hear 80 different labor stories, because they're just stressing me out.

I feel like people are asking me to make purple turn left. (no, thats not supposed to make sense) Everyone keeps wanting to know how I'm "feeling". Frustrated. Okay? I was frustrated two weeks ago, I'm still frustrated. How would you feel if you'd been waiting on the edge of your seat for weeks to have a baby, even with an effaced and ripened cervix for TWO WEEKS, but STILL NO BABY?

You'd feel frustrated too. And you'd probably just want to get your mind off it. Not have to explain it 18 times when you're 41 weeks pregnant.

Oh and by the way, its just fetal monitoring. Literally, I'm in a room, not a doctor's office, a nice hotel looking room. With a heartbeat monitor strapped to my tummy and I get to take a 20 minute nap and go home. Its not "call the entire family and update them that I took a nap" worthy.

I get all these freaking calls - "How'd it go?!?!" Fine. If something was wrong, I would have called. But it wasn't. In fact - there's nothing to report. Please leave me alone so I can try to mentally prepare myself for bringing a child into this world instead of holding your hand while you worry about the fact that I was taking a nap this morning!

GRRRAWR! I know this all might seem a little harsh/hormonal/irrational. Whatever. It probably is. But I at least feel better ranting it here, so I don't end up yelling and crying on the phone to my grandmother about how she's such a jerk for calling AGAIN to see how I'm doing.

That would just be rude. And silly.

♥
Ambrose

Prego photos!

2007-10-05T05:04:36Z

So I just realized I haven't taken a prego belly photo since I was 27 weeks!! Shame on me. I'm about to have this baby and I've no photos to remember the last 12 weeks by except my baby shower ones. So, Here's my growth in stages.

Shoot. I think this is me around 20 weeks or so. Not totally positive. I thought I was so big when I took this!

Prego at 27 weeks and when she was blond. (I was only blond for a few months) Red is my true color.

Prego at her baby shower! (37 weeks I believe)

Blah. And Prego, as of tonight, 41 weeks. I really don't look so great here. Sorry for the blurry picture!

♥
Ambrose

Christmas come early

2007-10-04T21:36:23Z

I want!

Well actually I would love a Kitchen-Aid, but with a little one on the way I'll be lucky if we have enough spare change to get little ole betty crocker this one. Besides, the Euro-Pro would work just fine. Its just a smaller capacity and doesn't have the "reputation" of a Kitchen Aid mixer. And better yet it would make my baking fantasies come true.

Here's to hoping Santa comes early this year.

♥
Ambrose

Jewish Penicillin

2007-10-04T02:59:42Z

Ryan is at work right now (he works 4pm to midnight every night, sort of a weird shift).

I just found out that he thinks he's sick. He seemed a little stuffy this morning and apparently has been sneezing his brains out all night at work. So I'm going to pump him full of juice and green tea and chicken soup. I'm currently on the hunt for a great chicken soup recipe!

I'll back catalog it once I do, and if I don't find one I like, I'll just wing it. Thats the beauty of cooking. ^.^

♥
Ambrose

Good lord....YUM

2007-10-04T02:23:09Z

Found here: http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/10/peanut-butter-brownies/

1. I LOVE this person's blog and highly recommend you go read it now.
2. This recipe will be back dated in my recipe catalog.
3. If they had tried to pawn them off on THIS 3rd trimester woman, I would have gladly kissed their feet.

*swoon*

♥
Ambrose

Blarg!

2007-10-04T01:48:41Z

Home by myself. Nothing really on TV. Pile of rented movies, already watched. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Whats a pregnant gal to do?

Updates

2007-10-03T23:35:28Z

So...

Went in for my doctor's appointment today and had some fetal monitoring done. Dr. Ackerman was really nice actually. He's Columbian and has a rich accent that made the appointment today somehow more pleasant, despite all my frustrations. I go back for more monitoring on Friday at 8 am. They're checking to make sure the placenta and Riley are both still healthy, because once you go past your due date the placenta starts to function less efficiently.

No worries though, everything is fine. Riley has a good strong heart beat and the placenta looks great.

SO...

What about the part where I have the baby??? (Since I know thats what you're all most curious about.)

Here's the deal:

I'm scheduled for an induction on Tuesday at 10pm. Provided Riley doesn't start things on his own before then I'll probably be having him sometime between Wednesday and Thursday next week. We'll see. Inductions increase your chances of needing an epidural and a c-section because they bring on labor faster and harder than nature would. Unfortunately I don't really want either of those things but at this point I just want this baby OUT! So whatever is best for he and I's health is what is happening. I'm throwing my hippie politics out the door and being truly "go with the flow".

Here's to hoping I'm still sane by next Tuesday.

♥
Ambrose and her stubborn little son

World's biggest tease

2007-10-03T17:16:59Z

So...

At about 4:00 pm Oct 1st I started having contractions. I waited and waited, they slowly got stronger and so at about 7:30 pm I started timing them. By 10:00 pm they were 4 minutes apart lasting at least 45 seconds and just starting to border on painful. So we loaded up, got in the car and went to the hospital...

Only to live out every pregnant womans worst nightmare. NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. Last Tuesday at my doctors appointment I was 60% effaced. At the hospital, amid contractions, I was told that I'm now 70% effaced, and softened but no dilating and Riley's head isn't engaged. That the only reason I wasn't dilating is because his head isn't engaged. So they sent me home a few hours later.

While I was in the bathroom changing out of those horrid little gowns they make you wear I just broke down crying. There I was, naked in the bathroom, face buried in a funny smelling crumpled pile known as the hospital gown.

I know its all going to be over so soon. I know I've done everything I can and this isn't in my control, I just have to be patient and it will happen when its supposed to happen. I even know that I'm not really that far past my due date yet. All of these things I know.

Somehow it doesn't really seem to change the overwhelming sense of failure I feel.

I have a doctors appointment today with a stranger because my doctor is out of the country this week. I'll update later with what he says...

♥
Ambrose

Count your blessings

2007-10-01T07:14:59Z

Things get so hard sometimes. My whole family is going through a really rough patch right now, and at times it feels hopeless. But for once I finally feel like things are pulling through.

I don't really need to go into details, but suffice it to say money is tight. Tight enough that I've filled out an application for food stamps. Thats living in southern california for you. I've finally got my car sold, and so rent will get paid this month. Thank God.

My point though, isn't that things are hard. Because thats life, and no matter how hard its gotten we've always pulled through. My point is that I've really started to notice every little blessing in my life. How precious my family is, how important it is to be grateful, how dear true friends are.

Everyone has been pulling together to help us get through this hard time. Especially since Riley is going to be here any day now.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you God. Thank you friends. Thank you family. Thank you.

♥
Ambrose

'Ohana means family; 'Ohana means no one gets left behind. ^.^

Speak of the devil

2007-10-01T00:06:36Z

So Ryan went to talk with his parents about having them co-sign on a new car today. *crosses her fingers* I think it went pretty well. They're going down to the bank on Friday to talk financing. Finally we will get something safe enough to feel comfortable driving little Riley around in. Apparently when he was there, they started asking him all these questions about whether or not we're getting married.

WHOA.

Okay. Yes we've been talking about it for a while, and its something I really plan on having happen in the future. I love him and don't ever want to be with anyone else. Besides, he's going to raise my son with me. He's the most important thing in my life besides Riley.

But damn! I didn't realize how adamant his family was. Today, his mom and step dad ask. And lately his dad has been asking a lot too. Its just so odd to me because for a while when we first got back together I wasn't sure they approved of the fact that I was carrying another man's child. I thought maybe they would stay quiet for Ryan's sake, but I'd never really be family again. And now they want us to get married so they can officially be grandparents. Surprisingly they being practical but also sentimental. Not just "oh well its what you should do, because society says so."

Its exciting and scary at the same time.

I think the best thing for us as a family right now is to take things slow. We're trying to buy a new car, and Riley will be here any day now. If we take on too many new things at once we're going to suffocate ourselves. Maybe after the first of the year, when things have settled down some we can talk about that. For now, I know where my heart lies and whether I marry him tomorrow or in two years it doesn't matter because it won't change the fact that I'm secretly married to him in my heart.

I love you babe.

♥
Ambrose

One part mmm to every two parts ♥

2007-09-30T07:28:39Z

I swear, I'm going to marry that boy someday.

♥

Past my expiration

2007-09-30T02:37:31Z

I can't even express the sense of frustration and disappointment that tinges the excitement of a new birth once you've passed your due date. You know its just a guess. You know it means nothing. Especially when coupled with the knowledge that only 10% of women actually deliver on their due date, and the majority of first time pregnancies go past 40 weeks.

You try not to get attached to a date. You're even warned by other women, and in your pregnancy books. But it doesn't change anything.

And the only people who really understand the clash of emotions, is other woman who've been there. Its simply impossible to explain to anyone else.

You just have to keep your chin up and hold out through the all the awkward clumsiness, constant aches and pains, and the never-ending anticipation that is known as 10 months pregnant.

♥
Ambrose